“Speak a Foreign Language Fluently in 3 Months” was one of the workshops I attended this past weekend at the World Domination Summit.  That workshop title probably smacks of a snake oil salesman’s pitch to most of you, and what the heck is a world domination summit anyway?  Prior to leaving for this conference, I must say it was kind of tricky explaining to people what it was, but everyone was intrigued by the title.

Essentially, it was a weekend gathering of like-minded people who wanted to live remarkable lives in a conventional world.  There were people of all ages, from all over the world and from all sorts of career paths.  But we had one thing in common and that was we were open to possibilities and courageous enough to be vulnerable.  Wow – that seems like an oxymoron “courageous enough to be vulnerable” but actually it’s not at all.  One must be vulnerable in order to love, feel joy, hope, empathy, curiosity, and gratitude or be creative.  One must be brave to be vulnerable.

It was a “community” of kindred spirits who were inspirational.  Some were living remarkable lives and some had come because they had decided to makes changes in their live-s because they were not happy.  One woman I met told me that she felt like she was living the lives of two different people – the person she was at her job and the person she really was – who was dying to get out.  She told me that she was inspired by my courage and what I have done in my life and that she will remember me.  The truth is I don’t perceive myself as courageous at all and in fact I’m terrified of doing most of the things that I do.  I have a friend who made a life changing decision to move to another country where he didn’t have a job, nor spoke the language – now that took courage. I’m sure it had to be terrifying  – I don’t think I could have done it. No doubt he was helped by friends and it became easier over time as he became part of the “community”.

That is what a community should be – people who connect in ways that help others realize their dreams.  It can come from sharing thoughts on forums and blogs online but the real magic happens when they come together in a very “real” way.

You’re probably wondering about the workshop I took “Speak a Foreign Language Fluently in 3 Months”.  It was given by a likable and very entertaining Irishman, Benny Lewis,  who has managed to learn several languages.  He said don’t learn a language from a book and don’t focus on the grammar.  He said the best way is to be confident and “just” start speaking the language you want to learn with someone who speaks it.  And these days you don’t need to go to Greece to learn Greek – one can find someone who speaks Greek on Couchsurfing.org or ITalkI.com and start having skype conversations with them.  So I’m going to take his advice and depart from my Rosetta Stone and start skyping with someone in Spanish.  That’s a scary thought to me – trying to talk to someone in a language I don’t know and humiliating myself in the process – but it’s a fear I’m willing to face.

Speaker Chris Brogan made a comment that resonated with me when he said:“the opposite of fear is not courage or bravery.  The opposite of fear is surrender and giving up”.  I will keep that in mind when I’m afraid to tackle the unknown – that to be fearful is being vulnerable and one has to experience that to be able to find joy.

I ran into someone over the weekend who I had not seen in many years.  We had been good friends, but we had drifted apart, over some disagreements, that neither of us could even remember. I’m sure those disagreements seemed important at the time, but now they just seemed trivial.  We both realized that we had let our egos get in the way of our friendship and instead of trying to heal the hurts that had severed our friendship – we put more angst, anger and sadness in its place.

I started thinking about the kids that I met at the Oasis Youth Network

Sir Richard Branson making breakfast sandwiches at the Oasis Youth Network, Sydney, Australia

in Sydney, Australia, when Erin and I were there, shooting this segment of Opening Our Eyes.  One young man was telling his story of growing up in a broken home, with parents who were drug addicts and gamblers.  He talked about stealing money for his lunch when he was a kid, and never having clean clothes to wear to school.  He talked about getting into a life of drugs and crime and eventually being sent to jail, away from his children and everything that was good in his life.  And then he talked about how Oasis had given him his life back and how Paul Moulds in particular had given him a “second chance”.

When we interviewed Paul Moulds for our film, he made a comment that still resonates with me to this day, almost two years later.  In talking about kids who grew up in homes like the one this young man described, or worse yet, kids who were homeless and trying to scrape out some kind of life on the streets, he said:  “we try to help these young people by training them and finding them a job – but who is going to be willing to hire them when they have no address, no education and no record of employment?” He went on to say that no matter, how much pain some of these kids had grown up with or how many wrong decisions they had made in their lives, that he still believed in giving them second chances.  I remember thinking at the time that the world needed more people like Paul – people who believed in giving others, a second chance.

We all say and do stupid things in our lives and in the process, we end up hurting ourselves and the people we truly care about.  We’ve given into our “precious egos” when we behave like that.  Ultimately, many of us come to realize that we only bring more pain in our lives, by continuing to hold onto the hurts from the past, instead of letting go of our egos, and giving someone who may have done us wrong – a second chance.  I think sometimes in our efforts to protect ourselves from being hurt by others, we bring more pain to our lives by shutting the door on second chances.

Jackson Browne writes, “It seems easier sometimes to change the past”. Unfortunately, we can’t change the past, but we don’t need to keep holding onto it.  While it’s not easy to give someone a second chance, it feels so much better to leave the door open to possibilities. Imagine what the world would be like if we all thought like Paul Moulds, and thought that everyone deserves a second chance.

Chris Guillebeau wrote in his blog today “When I became an optimist after years of seeing the glass half-full, it was largely a practical choice. I just realized I was tired (literally) of putting my energy toward negative thoughts. It was draining and decapacitating. I vowed to put my energy toward positive thoughts, and ignore anything else as much as possible.” I can’t wait to meet Chris next week at his World Domination Summit in Portland, OR. In fact I can’t wait to meet all the people who attend this conference and think the same way Chris does.

Chris went on to say “Embrace the WOW. When someone does something interesting, appreciate it for what it is. Stop judging or discounting their achievements.” That sentence really resonated with me because there are days when I feel that no matter how much I have accomplished in my career and in my life, there are people who try to marginalize my achievements.

When I start to feel frustrated by people like that, I remind myself of what Ronni Kahn of Oz Harvest told me on a July day in Sydney, Australia “Don’t do something for the recognition – do it for the sake of doing.” Ronni was one of the many inspirational people my daughter Erin and I interviewed, on our trip around the world in the summer of 2010, during the making of our documentary, Opening Our Eyes.

I think back on all the travel logistics I needed to coordinate – our itinerary would have made one of the best travel agents panic – let alone figuring out how to do it using airline miles and hotel rewards. I also needed to think about the gear we would need to shoot both stills and video, that would fit into 2 backpacks. And I needed to make sure we had the necessary visas and vaccinations.

When we got back, I had over 5000 images and 150 hours of film to edit. Within two very long, bleak winter months in early 2011, I managed to lay down an initial rough cut of 3 hours of interviews. While I was doing the rough edit, I was also running a crowd funding campaign on Kickstarter to get funds to pay for a professional editor. I knew that would ultimately make all the difference in the world as far as how the film was cut – and it did.

It will be a year, next month since we screened our first “sneak preview” at the State Theatre in Traverse City, MI. Since that time, we’ve been honored at film festivals receiving awards for Best Documentary, Best Humanitarian Documentary and Best Trailer. But that stuff is for the ego and while it was sweet to receive those awards, the biggest reward for me, was the “journey” itself. I don’t mean just the trip itself, but all that I learned along the way. That’s the part that’s hard to explain, especially to the people who seem to “judge and discount” the achievements of others.

Like Chris Guillebeau, I made a decision some years ago to put my energy toward positive thoughts, and ignore everything else as much as possible. I need to remind myself of that every day and walk away from the things and the people who don’t bring value to my life. Life’s too short for that. When I keep that in mind, I stay on purpose and that’s when the good stuff happens.

“The highest reward for a person’s toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.” 

- John Ruskin

I had a friend who once told me that if he should die in his room – alone – he didn’t think anyone would even notice. At first, I thought – how sad – and then I thought that really wasn’t true at all. Everyone, even my friend has a past and with that comes people who know you or who used to know you – and on some level – there will be someone who cares.

Perhaps, what he meant was that people wouldn’t notice – but again, I would have to dispute that because it’s pretty easy with social media, emails and every other means of “instant” communication, to get people to notice you.

Getting noticed brings up an important point – and that is – when we do anything for the sake of recognition – and people don’t respond the way we had hoped – we sometimes feel that we have failed. But did we? If we did something purely for the sake of recognition and we don’t get it – then perhaps we did fail, but not necessarily. Most of the time, people who do take notice, simply don’t take the time to let you know.

I try not to fall into the trap of doing something purely for the sake of recognition because it’s a sure fire way to get myself in a funk if I don’t get the accolades I’m looking for. When I’m driven to do something simply because I feel I “have to”, that’s when the unsolicited recognition seems to come. Somehow, the things that resonate with people the most – are the very things that are generated from something that’s deep inside us. That’s when people “notice” – they don’t just “see it” – they “feel it”.

Life is too short to spend it seeking approval from others. My husband is quick to tell me “it’s none of your business what other people think of you”. He’s so right about that and it took me a long time to figure that out.

If you spend your life worrying about pleasing others, you may end up forgetting who you are. They say friends come and go. I’m not so sure about that. Even if someone isn’t present in your life anymore, they still exist in your past. They were meant to be there for some reason, even if they brought you pain, they were meant to play their part in your life. I think sometimes we stress too much about the negatives in life and somehow think the best way to live is to avoid things or people that make us  uncomfortable, but in doing so we end up bringing in the emptiness and loneliness we were afraid of.

When I started this project two years ago, I didn’t realize how many people out there really do care. That in itself was worth the journey.

It’s been a long time coming, but we’ve finally launched the redesign of the Opening Our Eyes website – or at least phase one.  There will be a phase two which will make the site more interactive – but that will be down the road.

Here are a few cool changes that our fabulous designers have made:

•    Total redesign from the “home” page and throughout.
•    A list of upcoming screening and speaking dates.
•    More photos everywhere, including on our “subjects” page
•    Podcasts and behind the scenes videos uploaded
•    A “store” with links to our book and ePubs
•    A sign up button for news and updates

Of course the site will still contain our ongoing blog as well as the trailer for the film.

Please check out these new areas of our website and let us know what you like – or what you would like to see in the future.

In the meantime, we’ll keep you posted on any future film festivals that the film has been invited to.

Last Friday marked a milestone in my life and this project.  It was two years ago, on May 25, 2010 that my daughter, Erin and I departed on our journey around the world.  Our quest was to set foot on six continents, seeking the change makers – people who were making our world a better place.  It seems like it was a lifetime ago.

Last week, I was almost too exhausted to remember the anniversary of our departure – I was still depleted from my month long sojourn in China – teaching.  While I loved the “teaching” part of the trip, it had its challenges in other ways. It pushed me out of my norm in many ways.  It is taking me a bit longer to bounce back this time after a long trip, but I’m not fighting my body’s natural instincts to rest.

So much has changed since that spring day in 2010 when Erin and I boarded a flight bound for Kampala, Uganda for the first leg of our 99-day journey around the world.  There have been a lot of ups and downs and hits and misses since then.  If I dwelled on the misses, I would only get myself down.  I remember Maggie Doyne talking about her own trials and tribulations and how she tried to focus on the good and the positive.  I try to adopt Maggie’s attitude but it’s not always easy, as I’m sure it’s not for Maggie.

When I do take time to look back over the last two years of my life, I’m amazed at what has transpired – the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been to, and the opportunities I have been given and able to share with my family.  I’m so grateful – mostly for having the courage to live life.  But I’ve had plenty of help and encouragement from friends and family.  I could not have done half of what I did in the past two years without the support of my friends in the way of emails, phone calls, blog comments and Facebook posts. It was especially meaningful to hear from friends when I was on the road – like a lifeline connection.

I stay in contact with many of the subjects from the film even though we are all scattered on different continents.  These days it’s not hard to stay in touch with friends via emails, Skype and social media and I love having friends all over the world.

I think I will enjoy being home for a while and all the little things that come with it.

I got home on Saturday night after an arduous four-week trip to China.  God, it is great to be home.

Brookside, NJ

Yesterday was a glorious day and other than doing my laundry, it was a day devoted to rest – both physically and spiritually.  China had been hard, so my body and mind were in desperate need of doing nothing and having nothing to do.  One of the most difficult aspects of being in China for me was losing control over what I did with my time – even my free time.  While it was gracious of our hosts to put on banquets in our honor and take us to sites, I grew weary of having to be “on” all the time.

It takes a trip outside my country, to remind me of some of the most simple, yet important freedoms I have, living in the United States.  I have the freedom to go pretty much anywhere I want to go and when I want to go there.  Sounds simple, and it is but I found out how important that is when I couldn’t do that for the past month.  Yesterday, I didn’t have anyone telling me what to do and I didn’t have anything that needed doing.  So, I took a drive in the country.  I don’t have to go far from home (maybe 10 minutes) to get into the rolling, rural hills of Northern New Jersey.  It was precisely what I needed, to get out in the country with no particular place to go.

This has been one of the longest weekends of my life, certainly the longest Saturday. We left Beijing at 5PM on Saturday and arrived in Newark at 6PM on Saturday! The flight had been delayed an hour and a half.  After being away from home for a month, it was really hard to hear about the delay, but I went to the lounge and took it in stride. When we arrived in Newark, just past 6 o’clock, I turned on my phone and saw hundreds of tweets that Chen Guangcheng, a Chinese activist was on my flight, after leaving China abruptly to seek a new life in the US.  I had been following the news about this Chinese activist while I was in China, other than the times that CNN was blocked.  China controls what their people get to see and/or hear about.

It took a long time getting people off the aircraft.  The officials needed to get Guangcheng and his family off the plane and away from the waiting press first. While, waiting I was talking to one of the flight attendants, who was Chinese.  She had heard me talking about Guangcheng with another passenger and she asked us what he was protesting?  She thought Tibet.  When we told her, that he was against China’s “one child” policy and forced abortions, she acted surprised.

After getting off the plane and waiting in an endless line for Immigration, I got to baggage claim, grabbed my two bags and headed to exit Customs.  The agent at the gate, looked at my tripod bag and asked me what was in it – “clubs?”  I said no, it was a tripod and he asked if I had a carnet.  I told him that I didn’t since I had been traveling for personal reasons, not business, but that I had my US Customs Registration forms with me with all my gear listed.  He told me to go into another area.  I walked in and saw almost two hundred people who looked like they had been waiting for a week.  I knew I was in for hours of waiting.  At one point, after about 15 minutes, an agent came over to the desk, picked up the passports and mine ended up underneath one that had arrived after mine.  I was about to say something to one of the authorities and voice a mild complaint, but I stopped myself.  I took myself to a more Zen like place in my mind and just let it go. I sat there and watched as a couple went up to an agent with their luggage and were asked if they had any food or alcohol to which they replied “no”.  The agent opened their suitcases and found hams, cheeses, alcohol, cigarettes and other undeclared contraband and she immediately summoned SP (whoever they were) who came and started slicing packages with their knives.  I was next, and I opened my camera bag, showed my Customs forms and I was out in of there in 10 minutes.  I was so glad I hadn’t said anything.

I had learned from a dear friend while I was in China, how to not let other people or circumstances control my emotions.  There had been people who tried to control what we did while we were in China; but we didn’t need to let them control our emotions.  That was a good lesson that needed reinforcing for me.  It usually takes a trip out of the country to remind me of what I cherish the most – my freedom.

It’s early on a Monday morning in New Jersey and I’m just happy to have a good cup of coffee and be able to do whatever I want to today.

Today is Mother’s Day and it’s my last weekend in China.  I’ve been in China for the past three weeks, teaching Chinese journalists how to think and shoot in motion.  It’s been a tough time and these past three weeks seem more like three years, instead of 3 weeks. I’m missing my home, my husband, my daughter and my personal freedom.  Today, I took a well-needed day for myself – to reflect and re-energize for my final week here.

Yesterday, there was a knock on my hotel room door.  I opened it to a wet (it was raining), but smiling woman, holding a big bouquet of flowers.  Tom and Erin (my husband and daughter) found a way to get flowers delivered to me, clear across the world.  Those flowers will give me strength to get through each day this last week here in China – even as they begin to wilt.  Like a faded photo of loved ones, carried in my wallet, they will remind me of my support system in my life – my family.

My mom is no longer alive, but her spirit is always with me, especially during the hardest of times.  I wish I had told her when she was still alive, how much she buoyed my spirits and gave me strength on my lowest days – I wish I had told her more often how much I loved her.  She knew that, even when we disagreed – we connected in unspoken ways.

My daughter, Erin lives in Chicago now, ironically the city I was born in.  I had planned to take a trip out to Chicago to see her and her apartment that she moved into almost a year ago.  But that trip was canceled, along with my appearance at a screening of Opening Our Eyes at Northwestern, Erin’s alma mater, due to this trip to China.

I knew that this teaching job in China was going to be difficult, I just didn’t realize how difficult it would be.  To be honest, I needed the money, making a film has not only been a huge time suck, but one on my finances as well. I didn’t set out to get rich off this movie – anyone can tell you that you are a fool to think you can make money by making a documentary.  I set out to make this film because I felt there were some things missing in my own life, but I also felt that “we” (human beings), especially the collective “we” in America, had gotten off course in the last 20-30 years.  We had become a “what’s in it for me society” and at the same time become unhealthy and unhappy.  Our “successes” and “things” weren’t making us happy. We had become frustrated and yet didn’t even know why – ask any “occupiers”.

In the process of making this film, I not only found my purpose in my life, but also formed an incredible bond with my daughter on our journey and made me grateful for all the things I have in my life that I had taken for granted.  Essentially, making this movie saved my life.  At the same time, I feel that I have alienated and annoyed friends by talking about it too much and promoting the festivals and awards too much.  I sense that I have oversaturated the market and yet I feel the need to stay the course of our ultimate goal of this film and that is to make a difference with this film by motivating and inspiring others as to what they can do to create a shift in our society to become less selfish and self-absorbed.  It’s ironic that in doing so, I’ve lost friends because I’ve become too self-absorbed in the process.  A filmmaker I met recently told me “you never finish a film – but there comes a time when you are ready to let go”.  I’m slowly getting to the point that I can let go – and give up this fight.

Perhaps it took coming to China for me to get to this point.  I thought I would have the support of my team while I was here, but in fact for the most part, I felt I was on my one.  I will admit that I’m not the easiest person to be with.  I have a strong personality and generally say what’s on my mind.  On the other hand, I have an extreme sense of loyalty and my true friends know that while I may say things to their face that may be jarring at times, I’ll never do things behind their backs that can undermine them. I never abandon my friends, even when they have hurt me.  In fact I often will do things I don’t like because I will put myself second if it means not hurting someone else’s feelings.  I have found that by living my life this way, I find out who my true friends are – I have been surprised many times by people who I thought were friends and I found out otherwise.  Even at those times, I somehow find myself giving them the benefit of the doubt and believe that after time has passed and wounds have healed from disagreements, our friendships will mend.

There is a lyric, in fact the title of a song “love the one you’re with”.  Last week, while struggling to get through the challenges here and missing my family, I got some well-needed support from my students.  These nine young Chinese students not only formed a bond with each other to overcome their own challenges of learning video but they became my family.  I commented that Sunday was Mother’s Day and that I was missing my family.  On the last day, I walked into the classroom and saw that they had drawn a caricature of me on the whiteboard and underneath the drawing they had written “mama”.  It took everything I had not to cry.  Later when I handed them their certificates of achievement I gave each and every one of them a hug.  We had formed our own family that week and we pulled each other through.  The word “mom”, or “mother”, or “mama” took on a greater meaning and we all felt it.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the “moms” and our collective mom – “Mother Earth”.

At one of the film festivals I recently attended, I had a wonderful conversation with a young filmmaker.  I told him that if I had known that I would still be involved with this film, more than 2 years after I conceived of the idea – I probably never would have started it.  He laughed and even though he was probably 20 or 30 years younger than I, he spoke from a place of wisdom beyond his years – no doubt an old soul – at least in spirit. He told me “You never really “finish” a film – you just get to a point where you are ready to let go. “

Am I ready to let go?  I ask myself that question daily.  I should be screaming an emphatic “yes” for every logical and practical reason.  It has consumed me from the very start, in every way imaginable, and on one very real level, I can and need to “let go” and move on.  But on another, much deeper level – I’m not ready to move on because this “thing” that I started so long ago, is, and always has been, more than a film.  It has become a “shift” – a shift in my point of view, my perspective, beliefs, and values. In fact it as caused a “shift” in just about every area of my life.

This film was never meant to be something that I created for fame and fortune.  Any fool knows that making a documentary is hardly a way to make money. It has been a drain financially from the beginning.  As far as fame – well I’ve had my moments to shine and I’ve had some wins but I’ve had far more losses and rejections that have kept me humble and I’m grateful for the recognition when it comes.  So, why is it that I’m still not quite ready to let go?  Every time I begin to feel overwhelmed by frustration and want to close the door on this “thing”, I remind myself of why I started this folly.  I felt that there was an absence and longing in our culture for hope. I felt there was a need for a “shift” in attitude. I truly believe that this film and other films like it can make a difference by getting people to think.

Every time I have attended a screening of this film, I can see that for those 76 minutes that I have the attention of the audience – I really have them – I’ve touched them – I’ve gotten them to think. I’m usually buoyed by the audience’s reaction and remarks and I feel hopeful that “change” can happen – change for the betterment of the planet and mankind.  There is always one person who comes up to me or writes me and tells me that I’ve “moved” them in some way, and they thank me for making this movie.  How do I let go of something that has the power to move people?  I don’t think I can.

My goal all along has been to create a positive shift in attitude.  I can’t abandon that just when it’s starting to grow.  Instead, I am planning to make this website, much more than a website about the film.  My vision is that it will become a place where liked minded people can interact with one another and create a greater global shift.  I can’t be the lone voice, and I don’t think I have the heart to do that.  The virtual world can be a lonely world without interaction – too lonely for me. I thrive on connections and the strength that comes from them. I have a feeling that I’m not the only one that craves connectivity on some level. This website will grow slowly in that direction over the coming months.  I am working with a web guru to execute what I envision as far as making the website a “community”.  I suspect that building the web interface will be the easy part of the process.  Getting people to interact and share with one another will take more doing. I’ll need everyone’s help on that part.  That’s the only way it will work – and grow.

There have been some who have questioned the wisdom of my folly and others who’ve dismissed the idea entirely. There are some who tell me to move on – that the journey is over.  Literally speaking, the journey is over, in terms of the making of this movie but the journey was just the beginning as far as what this movie was meant to do.  I’m not ready to abandon that notion just yet.

I’ve been using technology and social media a lot lately to get the word out about Opening Our Eyes.  In doing so I have started to reconnect with a lot of folks from my past.  I wrote a post recently on my professional blog, Journeys of a Hybrid, about using technology to reconnect with people from the past. I’ve never been one to actively seek out people from my past. I’ve never been to a high school reunion – and there have been quite a few.  But now, it’s a lot easier to find and be found by people.

What I’m finding out is that when I do reconnect with people I haven’t seen in many, years, I find that the ones I “clicked with” back then,I still click with, now.  Some have showed up at screenings and some at professional events – but each time we reconnected it was like resuming a conversation that had begun years ago – without missing a beat.

One old friend I reconnected with, said something to me that got my attention. We hadn’t seen each other in decades. He told me that he had wondered over the years, what had happened to me, but that somehow he knew that I was probably doing what it was that I was meant to do – and that I was living my life fully.  He said he remembered my “spirit.”  When he “found” me on Facebook  and heard about the movie, he was prompted to reconnect.

As much as it is fun to go down memory lane every now and then, I am finding that using social media to connect with “new” friends is a powerful tool to connect with “friends” who are kindred spirits.  I am in the process of working with a web designer to build this website into more than just my blog and information about the film.  My vision and long term goal is to use the website to build a “community” – a community of like minded people who are interested in “making a difference.”  I want to build a gathering place for people to interact with one another.  I want to take it beyond just my voice.  The film can set the stage for inspiration but the virtual “community” will give people a place to connect, share and learn from one another.

Changes on the website will take place slowly over the coming months – everything always seems to take longer than what I think it will take – but eventually it the site will morph into a place for people to interact with one another.  I think these days – it’s more interesting to use technology in an interactive way rather than just present a one-way conversation via a blog post.

It will only be successful if the community grows and shares.  I hope that everyone who reads this post will contribute to the dialog as it unfolds, and gets others to engage so that we can all create a shift – toward bringing about a world that’s less self centered.  The best part is that with the technology at hand these days and social media, we can connect our past “friends” with our future “friends” and make this world a better place together.